


Infinitely probable

by Roadstergal



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Genre: Alien Sex, Bisexuality, Coffee, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roadstergal/pseuds/Roadstergal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Infinite Improbability Drive can't explain everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infinitely probable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smaychel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaychel/gifts).



> Many thanks to my lovely beta!

The Infinite Improbability Drive, Arthur decided, could be a bit annoying sometimes.

What else could possibly explain a nude Ford Prefect lying in his bed?

"Ah, Arthur!" Ford said, brightly, tossing a frighteningly tattered and sticky Playbeing to the ground. "There you are."

Say what you will about Ford - and much has been said, in particularly disreputable magazines sold in seedy spaceports - he looked remarkably sanguine for someone who had just materialized nude in another man's bed, and Arthur told him so.

"Materialized? Nah, if I could do that, I'd have had at least ten more paternity suits than I did by the time I was fifteen. No, I snuck in."

"You snuck into my room? Why?"

"It's cleaner than mine," Ford grinned.

"I'm assuming - and this might be a bit of a stretch - that there is a reason you are nude in my bed."

"Yes." If Ford's grin got any wider, it would meet in back and his head would fall off.

"What is it, some strange alien ritual?"

"Seduction. I know you had it on Earth - I watched Coronation Street."

Arthur tried to find an equation of himself and Ford that made sense, and failed to do so. He never had been good at maths. He looked down at the mug of grey fluid in his hand as if it would have a reasonable explanation for all of this. It didn't. "You like girls."

"I _prefer_ girls. But there's only Trillian, and she's with Zaphod." Ford sighed. "Likely to stay that way; he has two penises. Got the second one put on in grade school."

"Are you having me on?"

"You could ask to see them; he loves to show them off. So it's either you or the Paranoid Android."

"I'm flattered," Arthur said dryly.

"You shouldn't be. You should come here and get into bed."

"I'm straight," Arthur protested.

"No, you aren't. It's the bonobo DNA - you Earthlings got a excessive dose. Did you know most bipeds would kill for that amount of sexual flexibility? And most of you waste it."

"And I'm not interested..."

"You haven't had a girlfriend in all the time I've known you. Masturbation must have lost its thrill by now. Come here."

Something about Ford's attitude, his look, his smell, was monstrously appealing to Arthur. It was, of course, because Ford was practiced in arts of seduction from at least fifteen distinct civilizations, and could wind subliminal messages and pheromone control into his solicitations. Arthur did not know any of this. All Arthur knew was that he was shortly nude in his bed with Ford.

Ford's mouth tasted like spaceports and booze, which really wasn't as distasteful as Arthur would have expected. Certainly not as distasteful as the grey liquid in Arthur's cup, which turned out to be, not the local equivalent of coffee, but sexual lubricant. Ford was astonishingly deft with his fingers and oddly humanoid (except for that odd bit at the tip) penis...

 

The Infinite Improbability Drive, Trillian decided, could be a bit annoying sometimes.

What else could possibly explain a nude and intimately intertwined Ford and Arthur materializing on the bridge?


End file.
